


Sad Pewdiepie Shorts

by TinyToxicBoxes



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Depression, Felix is very sad, GAAY, Multi, Pain, Sadness, Self-Hatred, Suicide, This is all for Felix being depressed, breaking up, broken relationships, but more so sad, gay sadness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-02-06 06:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12811974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyToxicBoxes/pseuds/TinyToxicBoxes
Summary: Just very very short things that I write when I want to write some sad Felix things, but can't write a whole story or one-shot of it





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [collettephinz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/gifts).



I'm such a fucking let down

A disappointment.

I'm so fucking worthless and useless and stupid. I'm fucking stupid for thinking that I could make it somewhere and or do something. Marzia and Sean and Ken and Brad and Michael, everyone has been so kind to me. I don't deserve it. They don't deserve me dragging them down. They try to encourage me and help me, but I'm too far gone. I've written several unfinished suicide notes, but I'm sure they'll get the message I was trying to give when they find them. These voices in my head have been here for too long, my demons have been bossing me around for too long. I didn't want to it  to come to this. I didn't want to swallow a bottle of sleeping pills so I could die in my sleep. But I did want this. I'm sorry, for the last time. I hope they know that I didn't want to hurt them, but I can't handle this  burning pain inside anymore. 

_I'm sorry that I let you down._


	2. Everything Was Okay

      Felix's smile faltered as Mark and Jack laughed at the small joke he made. He didn't know why or how it happened, but he felt horrible. Why did it have to happen now? Of all times! He was having a  great time with his friends, who he rarely was able to see. Why couldn't he have just one day of happiness? Why couldn't he be happy? It felt like he had been punched in the chest and he almost buckled over as tears sprung to his eyes. He didn't cry often, so why now? There was  **no**  reason to feel this way! 

        "Guys," Felix choked out, trying to appear normal. "I-I have to go use the restroom, okay?" His friends nodded and he quickly paced down the hall to his bathroom. He sighed loudly as he closed the door, leaning against it. He rubbed his eyes, but his body only generated more. He broke down into quiet sobs, covering his mouth so there wasn't any noise. After along minute passed down, the tears finally seemed to stop. He had to swallow it down and get out. He sighed, wiped away his tears and stood up. He looked in the mirror. Pathetic. He leaned down and splashed his face before drying his face and returning to his friends.


	3. I Have Two Sides

I have two sides.

I have the side that I show to everyone. The happy and honest Felix. He doesn't really know when to shut up, so he gets in trouble a lot. But he has quiet a few friends and people to back him up. He makes YouTube videos, trying to be funny. We're not really sure if he is, but his friends and fans seem to like them. Lots of people seem to like him more. I can understand why. He's the part that makes the  videos and talks and socializes and makes jokes. The good part. 

People don't seem to like, or even pay attention to, me. I've only come out a few times during videos. I've made literally two whole videos, and yet no one seems to care about those.  _He_  says something that leads to huge controversy and everyone pays attention to that! No one  pays attention to how much stress he's been enduring for years! Do they not care? There's very few people that listen to me. I don't understand why no one will listen to me. 


	4. I Was Happy

I was happy.

But now I'm sad.

But that's okay.

I can just fake it again.

No one will notice.

Everything will be normal again.

For them at least.

And they're all that matter. 

I can suffer a little for their happiness again, right?

It's not like I have a choice.

I need to do this.

For them.

And for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	5. I Love You

Sean didn't know what else to do.  _What do you do?_  What do you say? Your boyfriend is telling you how he's been suffering for years. Your boyfriend is telling you how life will never get better. Life just never stops and gives a break. Sean had to stop him.

"I love you!" Sean interrupted Felix's stream of self-hate. Felix was startled at first before glaring at Sean. That look wasn't pleasant, and it honestly scared Sean.

"Fuck off," Felix responded coldly. "You think you can just fix all of this by saying three little words! I'm a fucking disaster! You don't-!" Felix paused and stumbled couple of steps backwards. "You don't love me," Felix said, as if he had come to realization.

Sean covered his mouth, his stomach dropped and he felt tears sting his eyes again. "Felix," he  choked out. The other boy looked at him. There was no sadness in his eyes. Just pain. Pain and hurt and tears. "I-I love you," Sean manged out, trying to step closer to Felix and shaking his head. He loved Felix to fucking pieces, how could Felix not believe that?

"No," Felix softly said, trying to restrain his tears. "No, you don't. I'm a fucking mess, how could you? E-Everything I do is wrong, no matter how fucking hard I  **try**!" Sean flinched at Felix's burst of rage and volume change. "I can't  do anything right, Sean. I fucked up with Marzia. I fucked up with Mark. I fucked up with Ken and Cry and Minx and now you. I can't do this anymore." Felix gripped at his hair, like he always did when severely frustrated. Sean stumbled over to Felix, shaking his head and muttering.

"No, no, no, no, Felix, no. you didn't ruin it-"

" _Shut up!_  Okay? Shut the fuck up! Stop trying to  make everything better! Nothing will ever get better, Sean! Just," Felix stopped himself. Sean knew he wasn't done, so he stayed quiet. But his heart thudded in fright of whatever Felix was thinking. "Go, Sean. Please, just go."

"No, Felix, I can't-"

"Go, Sean! Leave me alone! Please," Felix pleaded now. He suddenly went quiet, looking up at Sean with begging eyes. "I'll be fine- Just, please leave me. I can't do this to anyone else anymore."

Sean stood there, staring at Felix. He couldn't leave him alone, but he could now see that Felix would get angry if he didn't. He took a step back. It felt almost unnatural to him. Felix watched him slowly back away and turn away and slowly make his way out. 

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little carried away with this one.. I'm trying to make them all less than one page long, but that would've been way too hard for this  
> Also, this was specifically made for  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks  
> Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)  
> I came up with this idea after reading Chapter Five of When I'm Small for the fourth time-


	6. I Love You (P2)

The house is quiet now. There's no loud Irish screaming. There's no good morning's and goodnight's. No more I love you's. There's no your video was hilarious today. There's no sweet nothings and everything will be okay.

The house is empty now. There's no cuddles at night. There's no hugs in the morning. There's no smell of black coffee. There's no sweet kisses and gentle touches. There's no calming strokes to my hair. 

The house is dull now. Everything just seems so grey and pale. I constantly feel like nothing. Just blank. There's no life here anymore. It's just sitting here on it's own.  Mail is piling up on the porch, but the bills are low because the house is barely being used. I feel bad for wasting this home. Someone could be decorating it and filling it with a family. What am I doing? I'm letting a body rot here until someone can't take it anymore and comes in. Except they'll find a pale, cold body that's been sitting there for who knows how long. 

Oh well.

I won't have any more chances to hurt people. I should've done this years ago. 


	7. He’ll Come Back

**Hopefully he’ll come back.**

I say, sending the video file to Brad. I stood and pushed in my chair. I slipped my phone into my pocket, there was nothing on there. I guess I should go eat. 

**Maybe he’ll come back.**

I say as I scoop a few meatballs onto my plate, right on the noodles and sauce. Spaghetti was always the best when Marzia made it. Maybe it was just her natural Italian genetics. 

**I wish he would come back.**

I say, spitting into the sink then rinsing with water. I sighed, putting my toothbrush back where it should be. I go back into my room and look at the empty bed. If only I wasn’t such a fuck up. 

**I knew he wouldn’t come back.**


End file.
